Advice from our counsellors

Our counsellors offer tips on what makes for good communication in marriage


Berna Brennan

In my session we consider

  • Four ingredients that predict early trouble in relationship

  • Antidotes to those four ingredients

  • Causes of later separation in relationship and how to avoid that

  • How to predict whether a relationship will work out or not

  • How to ask for what you need in a way that will be heard

  • The importance of repair attempts being made and accepted

  • Two capacities to foster, for repair and and good relating

  • Building blocks for positive attachment and relationship

  • Simple social skills that can help to safeguard marriage

  • Protecting your marriage from stress from the outside

  • Crucial element particularly for men, in relationship

  • How would you like your marriage to unfold?

Basic: A happy marriage is a loving partnership of equals

See Gottmann J,
"Emotionally Intelligent Husbands Are Key to a Lasting Marriage" and
"The 4 Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling"



Gillford D'Souza

Below is one of the graphics I use, on the importance of trust between you.

For a fuller layout of my thoughts on communication, click here.


Brian McDonnell

As a key theme, your other half (wife/husband) should be your best friend.

And here's an interesting reflection on the core of love, from Louis De Berniere's book, Captain Corelli's Mandolin. The wise old doctor Iannis is advising his daughter Pelagia, who has fallen deeply in love with Corelli:

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises and eternal passion...That is just being "in love," which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.


John Murphy

In my session on Communication I explore the following areas:

  • What are our best ways of communicating?
    ... Verbal, non-verbal, electronic, use of time, gifts or other?
  • Harmful communication and how to change it.
  • Intimacy and how to nurture it particuarly when the chemistry begins to fade.
  • Getting to know you -- We will look at expectations, appreciation, kindness.
  • We will look at our beliefs, values and personal hurts and how these influence who we are and how we act.
  • Qualities of love in Marriage.