Focus
of Session I (Communication)
- Good
communication is the most vital components of any relationship, but
particularly within marriage.
- As a
couple, how well do you communicate? Are improvements possible? Listening
and gesture are as vital as speaking.
- First
session, by a trained counsellor, looks at achieving a good quality
of communication throughout your whole marriage.
- The
pressures of life today upon how people interact are discussed, inviting
you to explore aspects of your own relationship.
- Conflict
resolution is addressed by examining a case study, challenging each
pair to find the resolution that works for them.
- There's
no pressure on individuals to speak, but each is warmly encouraged
to engage with the content of the session, and to speak if you feel
so inclined.
- Participation
by some of those present tends to make this session more interesting
for all involved.
Improve
your Communication Skills
- Remain silent at times when Silence
is Golden...
- Body-language (look at each
other; maybe unfold arms, uncross legs, unclench fists.)
- Listen well to what is said,
trying to understand what is really meant...
- Anticipate - Don't let a 'Pinch'
become a 'Crunch'. Sort things out as they arise.
- Explain (what is annoying you),
rather than blame (your spouse, for not being able to
mind-read)...
- Plan ahead:where to spend Christmas,
go on holidays, the children will go to school. Have 'What if?' conversations.
"What if I lost my job/ you got promoted/ we couldn't have children?"
- Gestures: they mean more than
we think. For every ONE negative (row /cross word /memory failure)
there should be FIVE positives (smile /joke/trip to Paris).
- Settling: Don't just 'Settle
Down' and let the romance leak out of your marriage: your wedding
marks the beginning of your life adventure, not the end
of a fairytale.
.
.
.
.
Sexual Harmony
-
The sexual relationship plays a vital
role within a couple's marriage. However it is wise to remember
it is only one part of the relationship and its quality depends
on all other elements of the marriage working well.
-
Within this session the topic of sexuality
is explored under several headings.
... Sexual Awareness - e.g. when
you first become aware of your own sexuality
... Male and female approaches to lovemaking.
... Health issues - discussing how these can affect your sex life.
-
Family planning - how this is a shared
responsibility between the couple. The benefit of good communication
in order to reach a full understanding about your partner's views
...The subject of infertility is also explored
-
Maintaining your sexual relationship
long-term. Here the different elements both positive and negative
of a sexual relationship within marriage long term are discussed
and explored in order to provide a realistic overview of what lies
ahead.
-
The fulfilment that lovemaking brings
to a loving couple is deeper than just "having sex". The
quality of mutual loving and friendship enables a couple to maintain
a relationship over the long term
.
.
.
.
Defusing
Conflict
- Own
your personal share of any row that arises (admit it firstly to
yourself).
- There's
no need to be the outright winner every time.
- What
do you want: an adult discussion, or just to prove how right you
are?
- Arrange
suitable time and place: not breakfast time, before heading out
for work!
- Attack
the problem, not each other. You need a solution, not a massacre!
- Be
honest: explain your feelings and why you are hurt.
- Use
"I" messages ("I feel bad because..") rather
than blame-throwing ("You always..!")
- Giving
your view, don't be too absolute: "I'd say", "I get
the feeling"
- Listen
too: respect your partner as an equal, with the right to a different
opinion.
- Don't
involve other people (family, etc.) unnecessarily. Try to sort it
out yourselves.
- If
you need outside help, contact a marriage counsellor.
- If
you must have a row, the Golden Rule is: Be Fair!
.
Counselling
-
A
relationship problem may arise that an engaged or married couple
can't resolve on their own. Rather than involve family members or
close friends, who might too quickly take sides – and make
the problem worse – it's worth seeking help from a trained
counsellor.
-
What
counselling offers is an area of calm, where things can be seen
again in perspective and a middle ground can be reached. Various
counselling agencies offer this service, in total confidentiality.
-
Counselling
tends to be non-directive and non-judgmental. It aims at clarity
about issues clouded over by emotion, but offers no instant or facile
answers; rather, it seeks solutions that convince the client.
-
Accord,
the Marriage Guidance Agency, has a counselling service around the
country. Information from 01 478 4400
-
Even
an engaged couple may run into a problem serious enough to benefit
from counselling. Our course does not provide this service but we
can arrange referral to a counsellor, for those who so wish. Phone
our Coordinator at 01-296-4275
-
It
really does help! From the website http://www.welfare.ie/
you can download and read the report "Does Counselling Help?"
that was commissioned by Accord and the Dept. of Social & Family
Affairs, from Kieran McKeown & associates.
Health
Issues
Much
advice is available to women on health care, especially during their
fertile life. But while women are aware of this advice, often they
are so caught up in the role of mothering and family life that, without
intending, they neglect the warning signs nature gives them.
Good
health can't be taken for granted.
So no matter how busy life becomes, it pays dividends to take the
time now and then to check that everything is okay. And its always
worthwhile to build healthy practices and exercise into your lifestyle.
Being male places us at risk.
Men die,
on average, six years younger than women. More men get heart disease
than women do. We smoke, eat rubbish food and drive ourselves too
hard. We are more prone to accidents than women - only partly associated
with men's higher alcohol intake. We revel more in risky adventures.
On top of this, male suicides far outstrip female, and most substance
abusers, addicts and patients of mental hospitals are male. Few men
exercise the recommended three times a week and almost half are overweight.
Coronary
heart disease
kills at least one in every three men. High blood pressure will
affect one in five. One in three of us gets cancer, while one in four
dies from it. Many endure too much stress, fatalistically resigned
to it instead of realising things can be changed for the better. Effective
help is available, but you have to look for it.
C'mon
fellas! Let's look at reality! Surely Managing your health is more
important than managing your shekels or winning at golf, or even bustling
along the old career plan. Our bodies are, after all, our ticket to
staying a little longer on the planet. If we like it here at all,
let's take a bit more care of them. This is your wake-up call! And,
girls, if you'd fancy having him still around to a decent age, you
could remind him to look after his health!
For any
worries one may have about the danger of one or other form of cancer,
Irish cancer
society provides a very good information and support service.
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