topbar

 

 

 

Communication in Marriage

Relationship Questionnaire (Test Yourself)

Financial Planning, in Your Relationship

A Counselling Session before your wedding?

Usefulness of Counselling

Tips from our Panel of Counsellors
To supplement the general material above, each of our counsellors was asked
to summarise what makes for good communication in marriage.

 

Berna Brennan

In my presentation we will consider
  • The four ingredients that predict early trouble in relationship
  • The antidotes to those four ingredients
  • The causes of later separation in relationship and how to avoid that
  • How one can predict within 15 minutes whether a relationship will work out or not
  • A valuable lesson in how to ask for what you need in a way that will be heard
  • The power of repair and the importance of repair attempts being made and accepted
  • Two capacities that can be fostered for repair and and good relating
  • Important building blocks for  positive attachment and relationship
  • Eight simple social skills that safeguard marriage
  • How to protect your marriage from stress from the outside
  • Crucial element for Men in relationshipo
  • An opportunity to consider how you would like your marriage to unfold

 

Gillford d'Souza

Below is one of the graphics I use, to illustrate the importance of trust between you.Click here, for my fuller text of what should make for better communication

 

 

Brian McDonnell

I suggest as a key theme that your spouse (wife/husband) should be your best friend.

And here's an interesting reflection on the core of love, from Louis De Berniere's book, Captain Corelli's Mandolin. The wise old doctor Iannis is advising his daughter Pelagia, who has fallen deeply in love with Corelli:

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises and eternal passion...That is just being "in love," which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

 

 

 

David Carrick
:


Basics of Good Communication

Communication is complex.

Is communicating easy? How many of us consider ourselves to be good communicators? What do we think makes a good communicator? Most of us assume we are experts but virtually everyone underestimates their ability to communicate and when we have problems communicating we blame the other person.

We view the world through our own value and belief systems.

Because we all have different life experiences we are all unique and each of us has our own individual view of the world. This is formed by our experiences,  the values we have learned, our beliefs, our behaviours, and our emotional state at the time.

Words are a very small part of a communication.

Words make up only 7% of a communication with voice and tone making a little over a third and body language making up over 50% of the message. Are you sending or reading the real message?

Listening may be the most important element in communication.

  • How many of us consider ourselves to be good listeners?  In fact most of us are very poor listeners. Listening is a difficult skill – some say it is an art. How good are you at listening?

Learn to listen to the whole message.

  • Listening is not just listening to the words, but also to all of the body language so that we get as much of the message as possible

Be Assertive – own what you say by using “I” statements.

  • Assertive behaviour is based on the belief that you have the right to be listened to and taken seriously, to say ‘no' without feeling guilty, to ask for what you want, to make mistakes.
  • At the same time, you acknowledge that the other person has identical rights. In relationships it involves openness, honesty, and firmness, all with appropriateness and flexibility. It is expressing positive and negative feelings honestly and directly.
  • Because you are communicating honestly and openly, your relationships become much more genuine.
  • Assertiveness helps ensure a fair and respectful relationship.

When to talk

  • Try to spend even a little time each day really talking and listening.
  • Make time to talk about important issues, don't let them fester.
  • Don't get straight into an issue when the other person comes home. You may be worked up by it and they will have the stresses of their day.
  • Don't talk about a serious issue when either of you is distracted and expect to be heard.
  • Don't leave it until the last thing at night when you are tired or first thing in the morning when you are in a rush.

 

John Murphy

In my session on Communication I explore the following areas:

  1. What are our best ways of  communicating? . . Verbal, non-verbal, electronic, use of time, gifts or other?

  2. Harmful communication and how to change it.

  3. Intimacy and how to nurture it particuarly when the chemistry begins to fade.

  4. Getting to know you   --  We will look at expectations, appreciation, kindness.

  5. We will look at our beliefs, values and personal hurts and how these influence who we are and how we act.

  6. Qualities of love in Marriage.

 


The Usefulness of Counselling

  • A relationship problem may arise that an engaged or married couple can't resolve on their own. Rather than involve family members or close friends, who might too quickly take sides – and make the problem worse – it's worth seeking help from a trained counsellor.

  • What counselling offers is an area of calm, where things can be seen again in perspective and a middle ground can be reached. Various counselling agencies offer this service, in total confidentiality.

  • Counselling tends to be non-directive and non-judgmental. It aims at clarity about issues clouded over by emotion, but offers no instant or facile answers; rather, it seeks solutions that convince the client.

  • Accord, the Marriage Guidance Agency, has a counselling service around the country. Information from 01 478 4400

  • Even an engaged couple may run into a problem serious enough to benefit from counselling. Our course does not provide this service but we can arrange referral to a counsellor, for those who so wish. Phone our Coordinator at 01-296-4275

  • It really does help! From the website http://www.welfare.ie/ you can download and read the report "Does Counselling Help?" that was commissioned by Accord and the Dept. of Social & Family Affairs, from Kieran McKeown & associates.

xxxxxxxxxxx